Sunday, 4 March 2012

Keep believing?

Well let's just say that I just saw something unpleasant on Facebook, which I can't get out of my mind. I believe this is the negative excess of social media that the wise old folks often try to point out: you see something online, something that in real life would be counted as completely trivial or unimportant, but since soc med lack general bodily expressions and contexts, your mind is forced to take it raw and suddenly you become preoccupied with one sentence, one word, even one disturbing smiley.

Okay one piece of advice I heard some time ago is that, don't be so quick to judge anything online. Online stuff can be easily manipulated, so we should just trust the real thing. Well I wish I could take that as a golden rule. But the problem is, for some people soc med are so much integrated into their lives that you know whatever they say or do online could be a very honest reflection of what they would say or do offline. So when you see them saying or doing something that stings your heart, you know, though maybe you can't articulate how, that it is no joke, at all. And this is further complicated by the fact that I haven't seen this person again since 2010. That was our first meeting and I hope won't be the last.

Should I continue to trust this person based on what I see online? Or should I let go? I'm not even sure how much I know this person now. I thought I knew enough, but maybe I was wrong. Because I've seen two or three similarly unsettling things from that person, also online, I chose to deny and kept believing and it has worked. Now I'm starting to fear that this could be the end.

So is it foolish to always pray for the person's happiness and safety, and to trust like a little kid, when there's really no physical, tangible evidence that that person cares for me as much, except for that whispering voice in the gut? Oh wait, maybe that's just borborygmi after all.

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